A month of nowhere
There was a month, after my freshmen year of college, where I was "stuck" on campus until the new semester started. My lab job wrapped up, as the professor was relocating to a different university, and my lease lasted until the New Semester. Traveling home for 3 weeks seems excessive for the cost, and the idea of being at home without an excuse to leave the house made me miserable.
I found a nook in building on campus. A cozy spot, where the internet was good, a desk could be had, and no one would bother me for the month of August. I played league of legends. For the better part of 3 weeks, instead of working up projects, learning new skills, grinding leet code (this was before leetcode was big) reading for future courses, I spent much of my time sitting in an alcove, playing league of legends, letting the time fly away.
I am ashamed of that month. My version of "self improvement" included creating a spread sheet of why I was losing games, and what I could have done better. Zero new friends, zero new skills, zero projects in the longer term. I am ashamed of that month, and what it says about me.
Everyday, I open my email, and hope that there's something in there for me to fix, to solve, to respond to. Everyday, I want to react to, respond to, anything to provide a direction to what needs to be done that day. The craze to be a, "really useful engine", drives me nuts, while leaving me stranded without external asks.
Something is, perhaps, wrong in that way. While I can list projects and ideas and work that could be done, I feel, at the same time, paralyzed towards being able to do them. It needs approval, it needs deadlines, it needs pressure. Ask me to do something quickly, and it will become my highest priority. Ask me to look into ways to consider improvements, I'm going to need checkins and status meetings.
I can sit around, for a month, and do nothing, and be okay, guilt not withstanding.